Recently, Pope Francis got into some undeserved trouble, in my
opinion, for suggesting, during his weekly general audience, which was devoted
to the role of fathers in the family, that spanking a child for the purpose of
discipline, was not wrong, as long as you preserved the child’s dignity. He of
course was not advocating child abuse of any type or degree, even if some go
the extra mile and call “spanking” child abuse automatically.
The truth is that the Bible itself calls for some forms of
corporal discipline as a means of helping a child grow up and mature as a
well-disciplined adult. It is the most solemn duty of parents, who love their
children, to insure that their children grow up to be well-behaved, respectful
of others, well-adjusted members of society that respect and obey the laws of
the country and the rights of others. The maturing and disciplining of one such
adult begins at home and starts at the crib, with tenderness, respect, and a
great deal of love, mercy, forgiveness and compassion, but it would be naive on
all our parts to think that discipline will not also be necessary and with it
correction and at times punishment. The particular passages of the Scriptures I
am thinking about are from the Book of Proverbs:
- “He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” (13:24)
- “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (22:15)
- “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death” (23:13-14).
- “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.” (29:15).
The
mention of the “rod” brings back all kinds of images of child abuse, of belts
and belt-bruises, of sticks and scars and broken bones, of rulers on the
knuckles, etc. but that is not the intention of the Scriptures at all, but
rather the idea of not sparing correction from a child but gaining their
respect so that you can mold their character into a respectful human being.
The norm, as the Pope, explained, is that a child should never, in fact must
never, be struck on the face or on any other part of the body, the head, the
torso, the arms or the legs other than in the fleshy part of the rear or the
butt and most certainly never out of anger or revenge.
I was raised in what I consider to have been a loving household,
not perfect by any sense of the imagination and most certainly I think my
father in particular may not have always been fair in the ways he disciplined
me but I certainly grew up respecting him, his word and his decisions, my
mother on the other hand, was not a strong disciplinarian and we ran around
her, not always listening or obeying. Today, I am extremely grateful to both my
mother and my father, they balanced each other and I am today a human being
that has learned the values of respect, obedience, family and to respect
others. I never got into drugs or gangs (they were all around me in High
School), or other mischievous behaviors because I would not have known how to
face my father. Even as an adult, I respected him, even after his death, I
still respect his memory and the disciplined-life he taught me. My work ethics were high because I learned them from him and would have been extremely
embarrassed to come to him and tell him I was fired from any job for laziness
or misconduct of any kind.
When the time came to raise my own family, I practiced what I learned
at home. Never have I struck either of my daughters in the face or on any other
parts of their bodies, but I did spank them both a few times and the time came
when all I had to do was raise my voice and call them by their full names and
they knew I was displeased about something and they automatically ceased what
they were doing.
Let me be clear either extreme is very unhelpful and will lead our
children to chaos, lack of discipline and potential behavior that will damage
them at the end. No discipline is also child abuse and extreme discipline is
equally child abuse and more, which neither do I advocate, nor the Bible, nor I
think the Pope. Some parents have other ways of disciplining their children,
timeouts, take away something they like, etc. If those work for you and your
children, go right ahead and use them, it is preferable in my opinion, but
spanking (in the rear and for the purpose of discipline not abuse or anger, of
one who cannot defend themselves) is sometimes a good attention getter that
leads to respect, and discipline.
At least this is my opinion. What do you think?
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